#YearofNOFear - Month #7 - February - Heart's Desires and.........

The heart can desire many things. Those longings of the heart don't disappear in my opinion and from my experience. I recall always walking around the house singing, dancing and desiring to be on my favorite soap opera All My Children, LOL. And then when Oprah Winfrey came along, oh my God, I wanted to not only do interviews like her and encourage people to live their best life, I also wanted to attend the same university as Oprah. Due to my grades and the bit of interest I showed in AIDS research and science I was encouraged more to go into the medical field and to study to become a doctor or psychologist since I showed interests both in helping and encouraging people. It was all understandable, the encouragement I received more toward doctoral studies versus the arts. An interest in the arts seemed like a bigger risks to many of those who urged me toward my college and doctoral studies. I can't say what that life would look like for me. I would like to think I would have done very well and would probably be more financial fit than I am right now. But boy or boy, when I decided to leave my first high school of choice to audition for my city's then new and first performing arts school, it just felt so right. And to be accepted after my first audition, I was all too happy. Even before my decision to try out for the performing arts school I had a music teacher, Ms. Brown in 7th grade who would have me play piano in class to calm my class mates. She would also do things like take us outside and out of the class room, encouraging us to write poems or draw. I still have my poem that I wrote during our first outdoors retreat. It received an A++ along with encouragement from Ms. Brown to write more.

The healing arts, culinary arts and definitely the writing and performing arts always just felt like home, a second skin. It held something within that felt comforting, effortless, not stressful, fun, enjoyable. There were unfortunate things that happened along the way that discouraged me from it all and made it feel like it was not the thing to do on a regular basis and surely not as a career, but as more of a hobby. The things I enjoyed so much, that my heart yearned for, were encouraged to be put on the back burner to take up when time from earning a "true living" allowed. I think the many things I heard that discouraged me, took me away from the arts still haunt me silently, secretly creeping up in my head from time to time. Sometimes even without me realizing it. I mean for goodness sakes, I'm on month 7 of my #YearofNoFear and I've yet to do an open mic night singing or reciting a poem. If I'm honest, I think I've allowed myself to corner myself into a comfort zone of feeling like the occasional poem or song I post on social media is enough. But if I'm real with myself, it's like, "Come on Ty, you know your heart's desires. And you know you want so much more from these things you love." So what do I do? I have to tell you, I've thought about counseling to try to better understand my block to performing in front of groups. I don't think I have ever shared, but I can public speak in front of people and even won scholarships from my public speaking endeavors. My full time job includes interacting with strangers all day long, 40+ more hours per week. So what is the problem? You guys, I honestly don't know. I don't know how it's so easy for me to stand before a crowd to speak, but not equally as easy to sing in front of them. But what I do know is, I'm in month 7 of my #YearofNOFear so I've got to get this party started. Well, here are last month's #YearofNOFear goals:

1. Do an open mic night where I sing one original song and a cover song. 
2. Join AVA - Association For Visual Arts.
3. Reach out to the beautiful ladies I want to be a part of the Beautiful Project.

Well, I'm a little sad to say I didn't accomplish any of my goals last month. Now I'm not being hard on myself because I did have a great first blogger's meet up and I met with a representative with whom I will collaborate with to do an Instagram takeover plus I'm super excited to do a giveaway next month. Not too bad I think. However, I have so got to take this singing plunge. I've just got to. So hear we go into month 7 and here are my #YearofNOFear goals for February. 

February Goals:

1. Do an open mic night where I sing one original song and recite a poem. 

2. Reach out to the beautiful ladies I want to be a part of the Beautiful Project.

3. Start photo shooting for the Beautiful Project.

4. Join AVA - Association For Visual Arts.

5. Start recording of Foolish. 

6. Do photo shoots for upcoming blog posts.

7. Have second Chattanooga Blogger's meet-up